There are some things in life that one would assume don't need instructions, for instance, straws or window drapes, breakfast cereal or toilets.



On the rare occasion I'm wrong and I stand (or squat) corrected:

This misunderstanding of toilet etiquette would probably explain why I experienced the very unfortunate and cringe-worthy "wet bum" after using the relief facilities on the plane while traveling to Malaysia. Why this sign could not become an international phenomenon, I have no idea, but I may just take it upon myself to print out this picture and install it in several airplane restrooms.

Another necessary note follows:

Dear Large Lady,

While the aisle is a spacious and convenient place for you to stand, please, in the future, refrain from standing just as someone is approaching to return to their seat, especially if you made eye contact with this person and have made it obvious that you know he/she exists. Also, while essentially behaving as a live-barricade of said airline aisle, please don't go through your carry on luggage, pull out a stack of papers and s---l---o---w---------l----y peruse through each one. I'm sure your eyes work just as well when your keester is mashed into that economy seat of yours.

Thank you,

White Girl

And one more open letter for good measure.

Dear Rude Man,

Complaining loudly that the airline staff did exactly what you wanted and you still aren't happy isn't going to get you a free upgrade to a first class seat. If you want a first class seat that badly and you prefer to be immeasurably picky, purchase a first class ticket ahead of time and save us all the trouble of listening to your pitiful rant.

Dear Rude Man's Wife,

After your husband has started on his illogical tirade against the airline staff for doing exactly what he wanted in the first place, please do not bring an innocent 3 year old into the mix, loudly declaring that, "The baby will cry for the entire flight!" If you had paid closer attention, you would have seen that the child was passed out from exhaustion and was not heard from until 5 hours into the flight and was distracted without as much of a whimper from that point on by cartoons. It is also an interesting point to note that when you had been offered new seats in the first place, you sat in them for a full 15 minutes with no complaint about being seated in front of a child.

On second thought, if you were referring to your husband when you made the statement, "The baby will cry for the entire flight," then I apologize for my sensitivity and applaud your candor.

Thank you for flying "I love to kiss your big butt, is my nose brown enough for you?" airlines.